July 9th 2009
Well, I woke up this morning feeling way different than I had been the last four days. Lying in bed for 11 hours, my body was kind enough to allow me five hours of restless sleep. Throughout the night I would find that my arms would move in autopilot. They would stretch into the dark room out above my head, scratching without permission. This would cause microscopic dead skin cells to fall onto my crusty face. Or for some reason my right foot will begin to move and scratch the other leg as if I was a dog enjoying a good scratch behind the ear. But no complaints since I feel much better this morning. Yesterday (Wednesday) morning was the one of the worst yet.
Since Sunday night I had been on high off Benadryl. Everyone was telling me to take it. Even the doctors office when I called on Monday explaining to them that I looked like Hitch said, “Take Benadryl and call us in a couple days if things get worse.”
From Monday to Wednesday I was all doped up on Benadryl. My life was sit on the couch, lie in bed, lie on the couch, lie in bed, sit on the couch. Talking was a burden. Holding my precious son was a burden. Cuddling with my hot wife wasn’t appealing. I couldn’t even kiss her goodnight without feeling pain in my lips like a million needles poking in to them. So I just sat in the house half the week avoiding sunlight as it made the pain even worse. I felt bad every time I would ask Candice to go get something for me. Like I was a burden that she didn’t have to have. I am an adult and can take care of myself. But I was not in any mood to do anything. Even making phone calls took strength.
Wednesday morning, my mother (bless her heart) came by with some stuff she had picked up from the health food store. They had given her ideas and things to try from body soap, to restoring my body’s Flora level. I called the doctors office again that morning, for I had not seen progression, but digression. I wasn’t quite as itchy, but my arms had begun to swell and it looked as if I had some sort of muscle on them. Swelling had also begun in my chest area. The nurse I talked to this time said to come in immediately. Once again embarrassed by my condition and not in any mood to drive (nor was I in the legal position, probably get a DUI) I asked Candice to take me. I took Jaxon out to the car and as soon as I broke a sweat, it felt as if some one was poking needles into each pore that sweat protruded form. In pain and embarrassed by my looks. I made it to the doctor’s office. I made it a point to avoid eye contact with the receptionist as much as possible. They made me feel better, but it was still awkward to have them look at me with those creepy nurse eyes like, ”why didn’t you come in sooner.” And my mind responded, “As I recall it was your company that told me to wait a couple days.” I sat down on the chair hoping no one will come walking in the door to the office. Soon the nurse called us back. I’m glad Candice came as she was able to answer a lot of the questions asked by the nurse and doctor. The last few days had been a blur and Benadryl was kicking my butt. I was then prescribed some pack of pills, which are like a Cortisone shot for those with less money. The doctor put it a nicer way. I was to take 5 pills the first day, then 4 the next, 3, and on until gone.
As we were leaving, we had to walk through the front office, this time I could hear people in there and embarrassment sunk in again. I tried to hide my face from their view. Looking only where I had to. This was difficult for me, as I usually try to be an observant person, wanting to know who’s in the room with me, and even say “hi” if I had the chance. The door was in a positioned to open the wrong way and the glass window was on the wrong side of the door. As I tried to sneak out I opened the door for Candice, but had to turn my head towards those sitting, waiting, wishing it was there turn next. I still avoided eye contact. Shutting the door, now on the outside, I could feel their eyes burn into my skin through the glass window. Again, in humility, I asked if Candice would be willing to go and fulfill the prescription. I was in no mood to be anywhere but home. She pulled up and I went straight into the garage, again fighting the urge to look down the street at noise I heard, for fear someone would see me.
An hour later Candice got home with drugs, which I opened quickly and an ipod touch as a gift. She was so thoughtful and sweet. I’ll probably be making payments on that thing for the next five years, but the thought of her doing such a nice thing makes it all worth it. I am definitely blessed to be married to such a sweet girl.
Last night I was much more observant to what was going on around me and was able to help put Jaxon to sleep. This was the first time I had done this in a few days, but it felt like a few weeks. He is one of the best gifts God has given our family. He makes the home a much happier place to be and has helped our family learn and grow.
If you have read this far, I want to thank the visitors who have stopped by the home and been willing and trying to help my stubborn self.
Another note I want to make is that it may seem like I am throwing a pity party. But as I have thought about the last few days, my eyes have been opened even more to those with chronic or lifelong illnesses or diseases. I now will look at them in a whole different way. I haven’t even got a taste of what they go through in a day-to-day routine. Even something as simple as going to the grocery store takes courage. I now look at those handicapped as a great blessing to the world. We should look up to them and support them for they are the ones with true courage. They are special to God and he loves them just as much as any of his other children.
I also wanted to point out that this incident is so small compared to others who had or are having illnesses in their lives. From cancer, to chronic sickness, to autoimmune. This incident really has made me think even more of my friends who are in these circumstances. My heart goes out to them. They are the true heroes.
11 years ago